How does change happen?

Same Old You – Same Old Rut

“Things are never going to change.”

“How will I ever learn to do things differently?”

“I’ve never loved myself.”

Making New Connections

The newest research says that you can form a new habit if you repeat it daily for between 21 and 66 days.

For some new behaviors, maybe that is good enough.

Go to the gym every day for a few weeks and – yes, you now have a daily gym routine!

How long does this “change” REALLY last?

If underneath it all, you still feel unworthy, and you are still focused on putting the needs of others before your own, you will revert to old habits.

First, you skip the gym because a friend has a flat tire and needs you to give them a ride somewhere.

Then you skip because you just have too much stuff to do that day and then you convince yourself it is just too costly (i.e. you’re not really worth it).

Voila! There goes the gym routine.

Changing from the outside in is not enough.

I am a firm believer that lasting change happens from the inside out. But engaging in some outside-in behaviors while doing the deeper work can help your momentum to move toward health.

In recovery, there is an expression “fake it ‘til you make it.” It means keep going to AA or NA meetings, even if you doubt they will help. Keep “talking the talk” until one day you will be able to actually “walk the walk.”

Talking the talk is the external change – walking the walk is internal.

Real change happens slowly

So slowly, it is almost imperceptible.

Think about a family member who hasn’t seen your child in a while.

The first thing they usually exclaim is “Oh my God, I can’t believe how much you have grown!” Yet, as a parent, you have been with your child every day and have barely noticed the changes.

Change begins with a thought

In session, we entertain the thought that we can do something differently and then out in the world we slip into autopilot and engage in the same old behavior.

We talk about it in therapy afterwards and realize, “Hey, wait a minute, I could have done this instead.” Then we go back and still engage in the old behavior. We come back to therapy and recognize this.

Then one day, part way through the old behavior, we realize we can do something different…and we do! Eventually we have a healthier autopilot.

Translating an idea from the mind to the heart is a process

While change BEGINS with thought, it does not end there. Through the therapy process, we begin to attune to a deeper experience of ourselves.

We move beyond internal barriers to access our own, innate wisdom, trusting our inner voice.

What begins as a whisper in our hearts, grows to a robust roar.

“Healing is happening. Self-Esteem is growing. Self-Empowerment is expanding!”

Change is like a Kaleidoscope – one small shift and all patterns alter.

As our inner voice gains strength, as our sense of self-worth grows, as our sense of shame evaporates,
as we are no longer trapped by patterns from the past, we choose differently.

We make small self-affirming daily changes.

The impact of our daily changes ripple onto the people and circumstances around us like a pebble cast into a still lake.

Ready to take a step toward happiness?

I would be honored to travel with you on your journey of self-discovery – to be your co-pilot and companion – and to help when you get stuck or lost along the way.

Let’s begin!

Call me at (848) 333-7018 for a free consultation.